Santa Sucks (but he's just SOO cute!)

I have been thinking a lot about Santa lately, and this is what I've realized:
- Santa is the opposite of 'The Christmas Spirit'
- Telling your kids Santa is real is the worst disservice you can do them
- Santa is a player *
*a discussion on this as portrayed by many carols depicting his virile manliness will be discussed further

It is just me, or is telling children that Santa exists a lie? A blatant, boldfaced deceit that parents, teachers, law enforcers, Canada Post and CNN all incubate with their insufferable (and costly) antics?

I find myself getting into arguments lately, of varying intensity, with EVERYONE about whether or not I had a cold, heartless childhood because I never "believed". Bitch, please. Free postage to a dude that lives in the North Pole and has a postal code like HOH OHO ??? And who's gonna give me stacks of presents made by slave elves, a list of which this letter will contain? I'm supposed to buy that junk in grade one and perpetuate it now, as an adult? Again: bitch, please.

So as someone with familial access to kids, I'm supposed to pay $4.95 to get them to call Santa in his sleigh, on the Sleigh Phone, up to four times on Christmas eve? You gotta check this shit out: http://www.claus.com/sleighphone/stream.html
And have Santy Clause tell them (because I'm displacing my fiduciary duty onto some machine) to 'get to bed in time so he can leave my present, and to make sure I don't peek or try to catch him?' W-O-W.

This illustrates what I have been sensing in society as plain ol' hypocrisy. The same hypocrisy politicians and the media have been hegemonicly employing for years, but now has been re-branded and reborn with a new image, sure to please the minivan majority. It looks like this:
I can't say hello to a little girl because her parents will no doubt think I'm a sexually deviant predator whose motives are completely rooted in evil, yet they buy this little girl toys and books and games which subliminally affirm and reaffirm her role as sexual object from before she can even speak. Allow this to manifest in the 'flirty girl' and 'Bratz' look-a-like outfits which don young girls at alarmingly younger ages, and dress her up in cute little knee socks and mini skirts and skank tanks before she is out of her diaper. Then freak out on me because I say hello to your slutty kid, when you're the one that's perpetuating the exact images which are vial and evil and put children at harm. Hmmm....

Lie to your kid about Santa coming to bring him presents, use Santa as a means of controlling your kid's adhd year round vis-a-vis empty threats to the effect of "Santa doesn't bring naughty kids toys" and then get mad at him when your kid isn't honest about whether or not he wrote FUCK YOU on the bathroom stall door. Hmmm....

Does anyone else see a glaring inconsistency here? I know it's disjointed and digressions are legion, but what I'm trying to say is that Santa's a jerk. And Santa nicely encapsulates all that I believe to be wrong with the world. So to cut it short, because my one reader (hi mom!) is getting weary, I am better for not believing in Santa because Santa is retarded, dumb, made up by coca-cola, disseminated by Disney and hallmark, banal, insufferable and totally whack. So forget you. Dissention is my middle name, and clearly, got its start at a young age.

*And that Christmas Carol called Santa Baby really gets me. So what: the mom is a big slut and gets up to screw Santy every Christmas Eve? Infront of the cookies her kids made and the presents from their other three dads and respective live-ins? Panty Baby, maybe. Sick, sick stuff, that santa klause and his mysterious sleigh.