Santa Sucks II

And one more thing: aren't we forgetting the reason for the season (did some 2nd rate politician named Stockwell Day coin that, or is it just something retarded he's likely say?)

Ok let's break it down:

1) Santa performs the Miracle of getting around the world in a night and giving presents to all the kiddies asleep in their beds.
Right. As far as I knew, it was JC that was rockin miracles back when Lazarus was on round 2 and the Jews were in desperate need of some Vino. This predates Santa by like, 1500 years and shows he was the original miracle man.

2) Santa is the moral benchmark of giving and selfless good will, so he brings all the presents.
OK, maybe JC wasn't big on presents (perhaps a whole body doesn't count as a present per se), but I always thought the reason people give stuff at Christmas was because those three dudes brought the little JC frankincense and Mhur, not because Santa employs slave labour to win the favour of simple little minds. Now am I right or am I right?

3) Santa has a rich history in St.Nick and promtes the north pole and Scandinavia
Well I like Jolly ol St.Nik. He's a rad dude. It's SANTA that I'm angry about. Red suited guy with reindeer and the fairy dust. You can't go check out his ice pad in the north pole. You just can't. At least there's a concensus that JC actually lived and you can go see where he walked around and touched stuff and sailed and ate and died. You just can't do that with Santa. And what about promotion of the middle East and the Jews? Just cause they're not nordics doesen't mean they shant be represented... (boo!)

Now I'm no Bible thumper. For serious. See love of nihilism, existentialism advanced misanthropic tendencies and Nietzsche for proof. But if you look at the facts, examine the historical evidence, and have some measure of heightened sensibilities, you'll come to the same conclusion as I have: when it comes to Christmas, if I'm going to have to pick some bearded guy I've never seen and no one else has ever seen to symbolize the season and ultimately buy into, it's gonna have to be the story of JC. It just is. I mean the red suit and the magic reindeer and the electric nose and the elves and Mrs. Klause and the letters and presents and commercialism and and the whole bit is just so over the top; so fisher price plastic America. Where's the humility? Where's the minimalist? Where's the "I'm cool because I'm cool so fuck you" in Santa?

I'm sure my mom will have a stern warning for me about this illustration.